memoir

I'm just dropping by to jot this down in case one day I forget. To remind me that i have such an awesome friend. This is my memoir dedicated for a good friend of mine, echa.

 Last night after dinner, me and echa had some conversation about life after me having my baby. U know, being pregnant is not as complicated as having the child out in the real world, haha, cuz the baby is in the tummy, so yeah, nothing much affected my life. But after this, it sure will, with me not having a husband beside me to do rotation of who will take care of the baby, I have to do it allll by myself. I have to think where to put him when I go to work, or do I bring him with me when I go out and about, outstations, all the extra cost, pampers, milk, baby things blab la bla. Biggest issue is where I will stay after this, right now I'm staying in the apartment that are provided by my office with my officemate, but I think it would be an inconvenience to others if I bring the baby with me, like, everybody in the house didn’t signed up to listen to baby's cry remix every night. Soooo being considerate I just think I have to find a new place to rent. More extra cost.

So I was discussing this with echa, and she agreed to help me with all these aka being my 2nd "husband", help me take care of the child, and find a house to rent together. And she told me "Allah dah susun elok dah, mungkin ni lah hikmah aku tak kawen lagi, supaya boleh jaga anak kau sesama"

And I was like, soooooooo struck by it. First of all, I am sooo thankful to have such a good friend. Shes willing to leave her current apartment just to stay with me, and she is practically living for free in her apartment. And I was sitting there thinking, if I was in her shoes, would I do the same? Would I give up my free rent apartment? and pay extra money just to rent so that I can take care of somebody else's child? Like, right now, I am only considering to move from my free rent house just because its my child, if I don’t have this child I would live here like foreverrr haha don’t have to pening pening keluar duit sewa. But shes willing to do that, she volunteered for it, I don’t even make that suggestion. I don’t even have word to describe how thankful I am to have her as my friend T^T i dont deserve herrr

and even now, shes the one who had been taking care of me, ajak dinner everynight, being my personal food panda and all. tsk. What did i do to deserve such a wonderful friend :')

I pray that god will bless her with the biggest blessing ever. And thank you God for blessing me with the biggest blessing of a good friend :') May Allah ease everything for me and her. 

Semoga persahabatan ini diberkati selalu. I love you.  

NEW CHAPTER

 hi. im experiencing new chapter in life

just graduated from "marriage" chapter, and now im advancing to yet another new chapter

"being pregnant" chapter. i never thought i would experience this chapter. i know its normal, like, as a woman, but still, it is still a very out of this world experience to me. haha

if people ask me, am i ready to be a mother? well, definitely naaaaaaaaaaaah

but i am thankful for this rezeki. my husband is very excited. 

just going to jot down the experience, month by month. before i forgot about it.

so the first month, its 2 April 2020, my period is late, and i took the test, theres TWO line

 

its a mix of happy and confused and wuuuttt moment for me,

i am 6 weeks pregnant at that time. we went to clinic and carry out the scan to ensure that i am really am pregnant

and yup, there it is :')

i dont really feel pregnant at this stage. 

Thank god my morning sickness is not so bad, i just vomit like twice. and i am really thankful that my early first trimester was fully at my house in Kelantan due to PKP, with my parent and husband.

My buku pink masa baby and my baby buku pink :p

 

i lost 3kgs during  my first trimester, due to loosing some appetite, and cuz i dont want to vomit, so i avoid eating, cuz eating=vomiting, hahah

in May i have to get back to work, 

im almost 3 months pregnant, so its quite okay, still dont feel that pregnant haha, and nobody really know that i am pregnant.

3 months

The biggest challenge for me at time is, food

u know i love my food rawwww

sushi, red meat, half cooked seafood

and when you're pregnant, u cannot eat raw food, so it really is a challenge to me, like, das literally my whole diet, what i eat everyday T^T

so i did my best to avoid it, i still eat sushi, but i choose the cooked one, which is sooo boring sobs

avocado is good for the baby, and me :3

                                       

went to Klinik Kesihatan for my monthly check-up,

i dont know theres so many needles involved when u're pregnant tsk, i hate needles :(

and my HB is quite low, so more blood sample needed ughh such a nightmare, 

every time i went for a checkup, i will be reminded of how big a mother's sacrifice is. SO BIG! my children better be thankful to me.

during 5 months of pregnancy, i started to feel some movement, my bump is still not that big,

people still dont know that i am pregnant, haha

showing off my 5 months baby bump

 now that i start to feel the kicks and turn from my baby, i feel more pregnant

i also went for the detailed scan, with my husband, before he flew back to Istanbul,

Alhamdulillah, the baby is healthy :')

look at that precious lil beannnnn,

i love him so much, yes, its a him!

i love him soooo much. i havent met him, but i already love him soooooooooooo much its crazy.

i never thought i would have this feeling. because when i first knew that i am pregnant, to be honest, i am happy, but at the same time i am afraid.

like, theres a wholeee lot of possibilities, and when u have anxiety, u tend to over think, for the worst possible scenarios. so its not that fun. anxiety and pregnancy is really is a very bad combo. when pregnant it is always advisable to have happy thought, always be positive, dont stress. but, das not possible for meeee. but alhamdulillah, so far so goodddd. i still have a lot on my mind, but knowing my baby is healthy has been the greatest news for me. 

and now i am 6 months pregnant! 

half way to go

please pray for meeeeee and the babyyy <3

 

please be healthy, bb, mommy cant wait to meet you. keep kickinggg!

less than three

Ive slept early last night. And now I am wide awake. It’s a chill breezy night.  I love nights like this; it's calm. My head is full of late night's thoughts, as usual, my brain is always working. And I looked over my shoulder, I can see my husband sleeping so serene next to me. 

And it actually make me smile, reminiscing all the things that we had go through to get to this stage. We had went through a LOT. On and off, on and off again, thousands of fights, months of not talking, welp, a LOT.

It just a combination of a disaster when you are in a relationship for a lot of years and top it with long distance. We had been in a relationship for 10 years, and all of it is long distance. When u had been in the same relationship for so long, u just get to know more about that person, the good and the bad. And of course there would be a lot issues arise in those 10 years, making it more challenging and we are in a long distance relationship, so sitting down face-to-face for discussion is not an option. Its different with new love or relationship, everything is still exciting, and less issues, because you're new, not much conflicts, everything is butterfly and sunshine and you are oh so in love. But when it's been so long, a lot of problems arise, and some accumulate, and we didn’t really have the time to discuss about it thoroughly, and don’t let me start about the time zone difference. When I sleep, he's awake, and when I'm awake he's asleep. But we make it throughhh, I know I know, there will still be a lot of hurdle in front of us, but surviving all this is still an accomplishment for me haha.

And we are still in a long distance relationship. This is the one time that we actually are not long distance, have to thanks the pandemic for this. We got married in January, a week after he flew back to Istanbul. He should be in Istanbul now, but theres a pandemic going in now, and hes in Malaysia since March, so its 3 months of being close to each other, that’s a record, haha. 

Being married to him for now had been a blessing to me. He is everything that I expected and much more. Hes still the same soft spoken and understanding man I knew as my boyfriend. Always supporting me no matter what, always putting me first before him. Now that I live with him, I know that I didn’t make a wrong choice what so ever in choosing him to be life partner. He is so helpful around the house, well, actually he did everything around the house hahah. He does the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, sending off and picking me from work every day, welp, everything. All I do is say thank youuuuu, please come again >.<~

nampak sehelai rambut terus vacuum

makan pun dia sedia/beli letak depan tunggu makan aje :p

We are the polar opposite, hes calm, doesn’t really show his emotion that much and me, im a firecracker, always on the edge and waiting to explode. Hes very neat and I love to make a mess. Im always anxious, and hes so chill, it actually make me more anxioussss. The only similarity that we have is, we are both cute :3 tehee.

I am happy, truly happy and grateful for everything. I am blessed. And I hope all this happiness would be for eternity, the same as our love for each other.  He complete me, in aspect that im lacking. And I hope I complete him too. To infinity and beyond <3 nbsp="" p="">

first raya as husband & wife

MARRIED

heyyyyyyy

hello to everybody that had been reading this blog since i was 15. 

when i made stupid post about adam lambert and bill kaulitz and all those cool pretty celebrity crush,

who would have thought that i am now married. phew :3

i myself cant believe it. 

it is one of those thing that i never listed in my to do things. haha

15 years old me would try to talk to me out of this, 

"really maryam? u wanted to get married? to a man?! ewww" 

we dont like men when we were 15. we only like pretty anime character and men who looks like a girl and wearing make up haha. 

and i am married to someone who i would never had imagined when i was 15, welp, its not adam lambert :p

but i am married to my lovely-now-exboyfriend upgraded to my husband, 

welp not his first time being my ex-bf hahaha

we had a very roller coaster up and down-hell-out of the rail relationship for 10 years

im glad to go through that journey with him. every bit of it. the high, the low and the mediocre.

we see each other grew up, we were both super dumb and young when we first started all this,

theres a lot of moment that i am not proud of, and he also have some, but im glad that we brave it all and here we are, married at last. there will be a whole lot more up, down, out of this world bizarre things that we will go through. and i hope we will make it together, as always. i love you. always have and always will. So glad to call you my hushhhbanddd, my am am <3 p="">

later i post more okay. byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee <3 br="">