Hauzwife

 Hollaaa,

Its 2022 alreadyyy. Happy new yearrrrr everybodyy

This year i took new year new me seriously and literally 

I quit my job and start a new life in a new country 8,350 km away

Fuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

It was one of the biggest decision everrr

It feels like, it was way bigger than when i decided to bring another human being into this world haha

it had always been in the plan, u know, to quit, be a housewife, it was one my dream to sit on my butt all day doing nothing at home haha. 

but when i actually have to go through with it. omg. im actually tornnneddd

suddenly i realised i love working. meeting friends at work. going to lunch together. being busy. i love the money that i get from it. i love the feeling that it gives me. tibber lah semuaa haha

and now its been 2 months, almost 3 lahh of being a housewife.

and what i can say, and i never say it out loud to anybody, is that, 

i feel reduced.

not downgraded, cuz i know being a housewife a.k.a not working is surely is not a downgrade, a lot of people search for sugar daddy so that they dont have to work haha. not having to wake up every morning, stuck in the traffic, kena marah boss? sure is an upgrade if u asked me hahah

but i feel reduced. I feel that i have soooo much potential, i have so much things i can contributed to, so many things i can accomplish. but here i am wiping isa poo poo. 

dont get me wrong. i love being isa's mom. but i feel like that is all what i am now. i dont have any other identity than a mom. i am reduced to only that. Dulu i can say oh i am this, i am that, oh i finished a project, oh i got a promotion, oh i was nominated as this, i am an exco, oh i accomplished this and that and now i dont knowwwww, i finished washing dishes? 

i am reduced to a mom. and only that. dulu i can say oh im a executive, and a mom or wtv lah kan, now i am only a mom. and i cannot escape it for 24/7. dulu when i went to work, i am not attached to being a mom, i feel like i have something else. like i am more than taking care of my child. does this sound ridiculous? macam mak tak guna kan, hahaha but thats how i feeellll. cuz dulu i have time that i can spend lepak  with friend, karoke, and all cuz isa in taska. now, i am the taska haha. 

oh well, other than that, everything is good. but i sure miss home. i am home sick!  

i miss my mom and dad so badly. everytime i nyusu isa, i would think my mom did this for me too dulu, and now im here so far away from her, nanti isa will do this to me too, isa will be soooo far away from me, having his own life, apart from me. hahahha. which is irony cuz baca tak perenggan atas tu i cakap about finding an escape from being a mother, but at the same time i want my baby to me 24/7, sampai ke tua! hahahhahaha

motherhood is crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy