PANDEMIC

 Hey

Its august 2021, im 28, just trying to make sense of everything

Its been 500 days living with Corona,

We had been asked to stay at home for 500 days, fuhhh

Some cannot see their family, including me, i miss them so much,

Some lost someone they love, i lost my loving aunty cikyah to corona,

Some lost their income, i witnessed some of my friends lost their jobs,

Its a very hard time, news about suicide is everywhere, anxiety is high, some just cant take it anymore, with the very incompetent government some more. Its hell. 

U know i only come here to write if i have very strong emotion, like when im just soooo happy, or soo emotional, or sooo sad. And now im super anxious. About almost everything. All the uncertainties. I cannot make any plans, cuz theres corona.

Theres nothing concrete now. Will i survive this pandemic? I dont know. Maybe no maybe yes. But i just hope all my love one isnt effected by this pandemic. I want my parent to live through it. Im so worried about them. And also isa. I am worried about him too. Hes too small. He cannot be vaccinated. What if i got corona, who will take care of him. My parents is not here, my husband is not here. Just thinking about all these making me feel depressed. Also worried for my siblings, and husband, who were all soooo far away from me :(

If i didnt survive this pandemic, i just hope my parents is not sad. Its one of my wish to die before them, i couldnt handle loosing them ever. I am not that good at goodbye. So its better for me to leave than them leaving me. But my only concern is Isa, if im gone, he have to grew up with no mother, that is sad, having a mother is one of the god greatest give, one of my biggest blessing is having my mother and father. This is all sad. Just too sad. Please tell isa that i love him soooo much. Mimi love you so much bb inca, please always be healthy. 

I hope theres a silver lining to all this. And i hope that all my family members survived this pandemic. So we can gather again. And i will miss cikyah so much. Semoga Allah tempatkan cikyah dengan golongan yang beriman. I hope we can be reunite again. Someday.