* かわいい مريم *: Labor story

isa is turning one next month, well to be exact in 26 days.

one

one year

twelve months

wowwwwwwww

im sorry, I need to repeat myself cuz I just cant believe isa is already one?

Feels like yesterday i gave birth to him.

i can still remember it clearly. gosh. the traumaaa

in remembering and celebrating isa's first birthday, which is actually should be a celebration for me, cuz i gave birth to him, hey, i am the one who have to work very hard, pushing and all, he just like slide out from my vajajay, sooo im going to tell u all my labor journey. this is for isa, so he say thank you mm on all of his birthday, every year. your welcome isa, mm love u so muchh.

This also can be considered as pengalaman bersalin musim PKP brrrr

5/12/20202

Sooooo, i was overdue, isa's due date is 1/12, i was supposed to go to the hospital on 7/12. i was chilling, still not feeling the contraction, but that morning, i have like a slight pain around my stomach, its like a very mild period pain, but it only last for 10 minutes? then its gone. my mom suggested that we should just go to the hospital, u know, in case. but when we arrived at the hospital, its around 4pm, i dont feel the pain at all, its all normal. But i already arrived in the hospital, so yeah, the doctor done some check ups on me, no sign of going into labor so far. put the CTG machine, no contraction, isa is sleeping, the doctor have to shake my belly so that isa wake up. but he just refused to haha. they checked my opening, its 1cm, which mean naaah. but because im already overdue, they just asked me to stay in the hospital ward. i was like, shoot, i didnt even bring anything, cuz i know im not going into labor yet, so i didnt bring my bag. so i asked my husband to go and fetch it at my house. so before i go into the ward, a senior doctor came and checked my opening, she was like, "eh its already 3cm"

admitted to the ward

at 4.30pm admitted to the ward. um,okay. andddd here comes the pain. it started mild. im in the ward alone, due to covid, nobody can accompany you. So i went to the toilet, and theres bloodd. its the first time im seeing blood coming out of my vagina after 9 months. haha. i was like excited. yes, finally! because, i just cannot wait for isa to come outt! hes heavy, im so tired of carrying him in my tummy hahah. but then, after i pray maghrib, i started to feel sooooooo much pain, okay, not so excited anymore T^T i was like tossing and turning. it hurt soooooooooooo muchhh. and then the doctor came, and i told him, i felt like something is coming out of me, when i got out of the bed, blood, theres chunks of blood on the floor. they put me on the wheel chair and off i go to the labor room.

Around 10pm, i was in the labor room. i asked for all the pain killer that they have. they gave me a shot of pain killer. and that thing that you have to inhale, idk what it is, what i know is, its not enoughhhh, im still feeling the paiinn. that thing makes me drowzy, so when the contraction gone, i fell asleep, then woken up by contraction, and fell asleep again, untillll its around 1am, idk, i cant really keep track of the time, im high and in pain. i was alone in that LR. no nurse or doctor. so i was turning and tossing, then a doctor came, and asked me if i wanted to push now, which, of course, YES PLEASE MAKE THIS PAIN GO AWAYYYY!!!

so he asked me to push. then a nurses came and asked the doctor, eh kenapa dah push, tak cukup cm lagi, and the doctor was like, well, she wanted to. of course i wanted to, i feel like shitting myself like 2 hours ago okay. hahaha. so i push and pushhh and pushh, isa dont want to come out. then another nurse came. i was like soooo tired, and in pain, my last meal was like 12 hours ago ke, and it was just only a small bowl of porridge and i have dont have the energy anymore. the doctor told me to push like as if i am having a hard poop, yeah, idk, never in my life, i have a very healthy bowel system, hahah. ive watched a millions of youtube videos on breathing technic, and at that moment, i just cant remember how to breath, how to push?!

you know, i have this thing, when things gets too hard, i tend to dissociate myself from it, like, this is not the reality, is this some kind of simulation. so i stopped pushing, and i think of the billboard in front of the USM. waah theres a new LED billboard in front of the USM, its been so long since i came here.

the nurse was shouting to me, pussshhhhhhh! baby lemas nanti lama duk bawah tu! okay, i push, NOOO jangan push dengan muka, push bawahh! okay. idk how. the two nurse urut urut and push my belly so that isa can come out, the doctor had already did the episiotomy on me. and at 1.24AM i gave birth to isa. fuuuhhhhhhh the feeling when isa came out of me, i still remember the gush of warm water coming out of me with isa, legaa! but i still dont agree with people yang cakap "oh tengok baby nanti hilang semua rasa sakit" cuz im sure as hell im still in pain.

When isa first came out of me, hes not crying, he is silent, and i was still in phase of "is this reality? or is this a simulation? naah this must not be the reality. so i was blur, looking at my baby not crying, it should be a very scary thing right? Nurse terus amik isa and lari keluar, she shout something, i dont know what it is. so i never have a skin to skin moment after giving birth. im so sorry isa, mm had try her best to push you :'( but isa cry after that. i think isa is still sleeping, thats why he didnt cry. haha.

and then the doctor start to stitch me up, it takes soo longggg! so i gave birth to isa at 1.24am, the stitching ended at 3.30am? about 2 hoursss. and i can feel the threaddd. ngiluuuuuu. so they stitched me up, and the doctors was like "hmm the blood is not stopping" they left some placenta in me, so they had to korek balik, ughhh the painnn, it feels like giving birth againnn!

took this photo righ after they finished stitching me up

so around 4am, they put me in the wheelchair, gave me a cup of hot milo and 3crackers, i ate them all and asked for some more, im hungry mannnnn, i havent eaten for more than 12 hours. and then i met isa for the first time, hes all bundled up and clean and cute :') i dont know how to hold him at first, not very used to holding up very small bb. then we were brought to the ward again. i haven sleep for 24 hours now. so tired. of pushing and everything, but cannot sleep cuz im still in so much pain, and theres isa, he have to drink milk, shoot, i dont know how to breast feed a baby. so i call the nurse, asked her to show me how to breastfeed isa, cuz i need him to poop and pee so that we can be discharged from the ward. the problem is, isa dont really want to drink, he wanted to sleeeeepppp. such a cutie. he didnt even cry or anything, he just open his eye and look at me, and sleep, gaahhh so cute. i miss him, the smol bean isa :')